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effieago:
gnelliswriter:
rowantheexplorer:
iconuk01:
wavy-arms:
ap-reblogs:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
I really can’t
your life is uprooted every 20 years in galactic-scale wars caused by a neverending blood feud between two tribes of space wizards
choose your preferred form of government:
a) laughably ineffectual and corrupt bureaucracy
b) fascist dictatorship controlled by space warlocks
c) exploitation by evil crime gangster who is probably also a slug
there are no other choices, sorry
“Hey have you heard from Gary? He hasn’t answered my emails for weeks”
“Oh yeah, his whole planet got blown up by the genocidal cyborg sorcerer who controls our entire military”
“But Samuel, what if I am one of the space wizards???” Let’s examine your options:
abducted as a baby and raised by monks, then die a 35-year-old virgin at the hands of a goddamn robot with tuberculosis
hunted down and shot to death by grunts in stupid helmets because space wizards are illegal right now (again)
go through a goth phase, then your eyes get all yucky and one of the monks finds you and cuts your head off
end up in a cult led by some evil wrinkled assface in a bathrobe who shoots lightning at you when he’s mad
Also most of the wildlife seems to be ravenous carnivores with tentacles and/or 6-inch teeth and every urban area has roughly 6,942 assassins per square kilometer
whoa this post fucking blew up overnight and the notes/replies are a TRIP, y’all:
people who want to live there anyway because they love Star Wars and/or space (valid)
people who want to live there anyway because they’re horny for the characters (also valid)
people who want to live there anyway because they want to die (mood)
people saying real life is just as bad (yikes)
TONS of people saying they’d rather live in the Star Trek universe (that was not the intent of this post but as a hardcore Trekkie I am so proud)
“but laser swords”
people pointing out the 40k universe is worse
no one can decide whether “robot with tuberculosis” is a reference to Darth Vader or General Grievous
a couple peeps pointed out the existential nightmare of droids, which I totally forgot to mention
one person tagged my post “ableist language” and I’m?? Which part??? The robot with tuberculosis???? WHAT
people are referencing deep EU shit like Joruus C’baoth and the Chiss, good work tumblr
Some of my favourite additions/responses:
#ah yes why get a washing machine #when I can program an android to do it by hand #and then give it the capacity for DEATH GRUDGES
(I would be 1000% unsurprised if this was canon)
Also hats off totreebeered for pointing out the space wizards have a 5th option: Escape to bumfuck nowhere with nothing but your survivors guilt and the ghosts of your friends who only appear to call you an idiot
guys this post is on Twitter. [link] holy fuck.
“OP is just describing New York City.” Facts.
I feel like this post is a perfect microcosm of the Star Wars fandom on tumblr. Also, I second the “Chiss” and the “I’d rather live in the Star Trek universe” sentiments. Outbound Flight is like the Star Trek of the Star Wars EU books and I am here for it.
In response to
I would like to point out that, given the massive differences in lifespan between them, it’s probably truer to say yhat "Chewie lives in a space van with his talking hairless cat”
Chewie’s talking hairless cat has a side business as your local weed spice dealer.
It also feels relevant to point out that one of the teenage political leaders (one who talked shit at the robot with tuberculosis and his ‘basically a skeleton with a thin coating of skin’ side kick while actively staring at her planet before it blew up) fell in love with Chewie’s weed spice dealing hairless cat, so at least it’s a universe where “she’s out of your league” doesn’t seem to apply. That’s nice.
I love that this post is massive and only really scratches the surface
Like maybe you live in the Republic, on a peaceful planet and then… oops, there’s a coup, your pacifist leader is executed and now you have space ISIS
effieago:
gnelliswriter:
rowantheexplorer:
iconuk01:
wavy-arms:
ap-reblogs:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
wongbal:
I really can’t
your life is uprooted every 20 years in galactic-scale wars caused by a neverending blood feud between two tribes of space wizards
choose your preferred form of government:
a) laughably ineffectual and corrupt bureaucracy
b) fascist dictatorship controlled by space warlocks
c) exploitation by evil crime gangster who is probably also a slug
there are no other choices, sorry
“Hey have you heard from Gary? He hasn’t answered my emails for weeks”
“Oh yeah, his whole planet got blown up by the genocidal cyborg sorcerer who controls our entire military”
“But Samuel, what if I am one of the space wizards???” Let’s examine your options:
abducted as a baby and raised by monks, then die a 35-year-old virgin at the hands of a goddamn robot with tuberculosis
hunted down and shot to death by grunts in stupid helmets because space wizards are illegal right now (again)
go through a goth phase, then your eyes get all yucky and one of the monks finds you and cuts your head off
end up in a cult led by some evil wrinkled assface in a bathrobe who shoots lightning at you when he’s mad
Also most of the wildlife seems to be ravenous carnivores with tentacles and/or 6-inch teeth and every urban area has roughly 6,942 assassins per square kilometer
whoa this post fucking blew up overnight and the notes/replies are a TRIP, y’all:
people who want to live there anyway because they love Star Wars and/or space (valid)
people who want to live there anyway because they’re horny for the characters (also valid)
people who want to live there anyway because they want to die (mood)
people saying real life is just as bad (yikes)
TONS of people saying they’d rather live in the Star Trek universe (that was not the intent of this post but as a hardcore Trekkie I am so proud)
“but laser swords”
people pointing out the 40k universe is worse
no one can decide whether “robot with tuberculosis” is a reference to Darth Vader or General Grievous
a couple peeps pointed out the existential nightmare of droids, which I totally forgot to mention
one person tagged my post “ableist language” and I’m?? Which part??? The robot with tuberculosis???? WHAT
people are referencing deep EU shit like Joruus C’baoth and the Chiss, good work tumblr
Some of my favourite additions/responses:
#ah yes why get a washing machine #when I can program an android to do it by hand #and then give it the capacity for DEATH GRUDGES
(I would be 1000% unsurprised if this was canon)
Also hats off to
treebeered for pointing out the space wizards have a 5th option: Escape to bumfuck nowhere with nothing but your survivors guilt and the ghosts of your friends who only appear to call you an idiotguys this post is on Twitter. [link] holy fuck.
“OP is just describing New York City.” Facts.
I feel like this post is a perfect microcosm of the Star Wars fandom on tumblr. Also, I second the “Chiss” and the “I’d rather live in the Star Trek universe” sentiments. Outbound Flight is like the Star Trek of the Star Wars EU books and I am here for it.
In response to
I would like to point out that, given the massive differences in lifespan between them, it’s probably truer to say yhat "Chewie lives in a space van with his talking hairless cat”
Chewie’s talking hairless cat has a side business as your local weed spice dealer.
It also feels relevant to point out that one of the teenage political leaders (one who talked shit at the robot with tuberculosis and his ‘basically a skeleton with a thin coating of skin’ side kick while actively staring at her planet before it blew up) fell in love with Chewie’s weed spice dealing hairless cat, so at least it’s a universe where “she’s out of your league” doesn’t seem to apply. That’s nice.
I love that this post is massive and only really scratches the surface
Like maybe you live in the Republic, on a peaceful planet and then… oops, there’s a coup, your pacifist leader is executed and now you have space ISIS