![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
potboyvia https://ift.tt/2PyCLhD
arofluctuation:
queerplatonicpositivity:
silver-tangent:
non-aligned-sapphic:
altho frankly the fact that “you nonbinary people will probably default as your agab anyway so you’re privileged and not really trans” is, like, common transmed-and-co rhetoric kind of enrages me because do you really think nonbinary people would default as their agab if they had the opportunity to be openly nonbinary? if that was, like, a common thing that many people can just do? because i’ve spent a long time hating myself because being nonbinary meant that i wouldn’t have a happy future ever because i couldn’t and still can’t imagine being commonly accepted as nonbinary. like i just can’t get all this acting as if the lack of opportunity to exist as a nonbinary person and still be treated as human is “a privilege” rather than misery lol
I SETTLE FOR my agab because people are transphobic and I’m not as dysphoric. I “default” as female. Do not mistake my willingness to misidentify myself to avoid drama as defaulting to anything. I am genderfluid. Many non-binary people don’t default as anything! I am male, female, and non-binary. They are neither male or female; OR they have a preference that is not in any way tied to their genitals. They might allow people to use “he” or “she”, but that doesn’t always mean it’s right. They’re hiding, the same way other trans people sometimes have to. We would be much happier if we could just tell people who we are instead of what they will accept.
I was talking about this in my LGBTQIA+ support group last week. As a non-binary person in a world that insists on the binary, I will never be correctly read by other people. There is not some magical option where I will walk up to a service counter or have a conversation during a job interview or otherwise interact with strangers in which someone will correctly read me as non-binary and use my correct pronouns (zie/hir/hirs). It’s just… not on the table.
I have two wrong options presented to me: being read as male (likely a trans male, since I can’t stealth even if I desperately tried), or being read as a cis female (which is soul-destroying).
At the moment, my haircut seems to be causing people to read me as a cis female lesbian, which is also not who I am.
I just simply don’t have time or energy to go around correcting people about my gender, especially when A. dismantling the gender binary is complicated and not something most people will readily understand, and B. would often involve me trying to teach service workers about my gender, when a lot of times they’re overworked and underpaid and only using the terminology they’re forced to use.
it’s the same nonsense as bi people not being “really oppressed” bc if they’re in a different gender relationship people will see them as straight
being misread as cis/het is not privilege. it’s erasure.
arofluctuation:
queerplatonicpositivity:
silver-tangent:
non-aligned-sapphic:
altho frankly the fact that “you nonbinary people will probably default as your agab anyway so you’re privileged and not really trans” is, like, common transmed-and-co rhetoric kind of enrages me because do you really think nonbinary people would default as their agab if they had the opportunity to be openly nonbinary? if that was, like, a common thing that many people can just do? because i’ve spent a long time hating myself because being nonbinary meant that i wouldn’t have a happy future ever because i couldn’t and still can’t imagine being commonly accepted as nonbinary. like i just can’t get all this acting as if the lack of opportunity to exist as a nonbinary person and still be treated as human is “a privilege” rather than misery lol
I SETTLE FOR my agab because people are transphobic and I’m not as dysphoric. I “default” as female. Do not mistake my willingness to misidentify myself to avoid drama as defaulting to anything. I am genderfluid. Many non-binary people don’t default as anything! I am male, female, and non-binary. They are neither male or female; OR they have a preference that is not in any way tied to their genitals. They might allow people to use “he” or “she”, but that doesn’t always mean it’s right. They’re hiding, the same way other trans people sometimes have to. We would be much happier if we could just tell people who we are instead of what they will accept.
I was talking about this in my LGBTQIA+ support group last week. As a non-binary person in a world that insists on the binary, I will never be correctly read by other people. There is not some magical option where I will walk up to a service counter or have a conversation during a job interview or otherwise interact with strangers in which someone will correctly read me as non-binary and use my correct pronouns (zie/hir/hirs). It’s just… not on the table.
I have two wrong options presented to me: being read as male (likely a trans male, since I can’t stealth even if I desperately tried), or being read as a cis female (which is soul-destroying).
At the moment, my haircut seems to be causing people to read me as a cis female lesbian, which is also not who I am.
I just simply don’t have time or energy to go around correcting people about my gender, especially when A. dismantling the gender binary is complicated and not something most people will readily understand, and B. would often involve me trying to teach service workers about my gender, when a lot of times they’re overworked and underpaid and only using the terminology they’re forced to use.
it’s the same nonsense as bi people not being “really oppressed” bc if they’re in a different gender relationship people will see them as straight
being misread as cis/het is not privilege. it’s erasure.